Our New Normal

Today was Mike's first day back at work...and we survived!  I knew that we would, but have been nervous about today for quite awhile.  It's still an adjustment having Sophie home.  Hard to believe that it hasn't even been two weeks yet.  Our littlest girl is 6 weeks old today.  She's a pretty calm baby, is sleeping well at night, and likes to be held a lot during the day.  I am figuring out more each day how to be a mom to three kids and am finding that this is a harder adjustment than Sophie's medical issues.  I feel like I'm running around like a crazy person most of the time trying to get things done around here!  It'll all become routine in time, I know, and each day I figure it out more and more.  Madelyn started preschool this week and LOVES it.  It's strange to drop her off and go back to the car, just Sophie and I.  I am trying to be less "on edge" with Sophie, but still have periods of time when I just feel uneasy b/c I don't know what to expect next from her.  I have to learn to enjoy her and stop anticipating the next seizure, how I'll handle it, etc.  Her medication has been adjusted quite a bit in the past week and we're seeing less of the longer seizures, but still some clusters of shorter ones or sporadic shorter ones.  This seems like some progress, but we're still seeing seizures at home with her on three different medications, and the neurologist is not satisfied with that.  I keep in close contact with him, updating on when she has seizures and he responds with dosage adjustments.  It makes me uneasy at times not knowing what to expect, but I remind myself that one of the lessons we seem to be learning throughout all this is living life "one day at a time".  This is easier said than done for me and accepting this in our lives lately is hard.  I'm not sure I've truly accepted Sophie's TS diagnosis at times.  I know it is a reality, but still have a hard time with it.  The unknown in her condition is so scary to me, yet Mike and I both believe that it is a blessing and are very hopeful that we don't know what will happen...we have to just wait and see.

I'm hoping that this new normal routine of ours will soon feel normal to me.  I have days where I long for my "old life" b/c it seems so easy in retrospect.  Yet, the grass is always greener on the other side.  God has placed Sophie and all that comes with her in our lives for a reason.  It can be all-consuming for me lately, but I continue to pray for the strength to get through the hard moments and the peace that will allow me to enjoy my baby girl and our new family dynamic without feeling so uneasy most of the time.  Off to bed...sleep is a luxury lately!